I have several responses to that one...
After the ordeal of trying to come home, it's a Huge relief to be back in Va with family. I must admit that the huge hugs from my sisters and parents has been great the past four days. At first I answered the question with "It's great to be back and I love catching up with everyone..." Today I realized that the time with family has shielded me from the reality that is my life at the moment... I'm in a place where I have to make a lot of tough decisions.
Once I was at my house trying to focus on the finances, returning phone calls and sending out my resume, reality began to sink in. I know this sounds silly but Reality really struck when I was grocery shopping. As I'm walking around looking for long grain rice I had become so used to buying in La Romana I'm getting more and more overwhelmed at all the huge signs in English and everything being in dollars. My brain is a little confused and I rush to a deserted aisle where I say out-loud... "I am NOT in the Dominican Republic! Now what do I do?!"
In this moment answering that first question, "How does it feel to be home?" would've been answered with "I'm Not home."
I guess during the past 4 days I knew I was back in Va but part of my brain had been hoping and waiting for the time I'd wake up and still be in Victor's house. It's hard to try to take care of things when I can't run into the other room and say, "Victor, Help me!" ... I can no longer run to the church and be greeted and comforted by my dominican friends ... right now everything is just_ different.
Don't get me wrong, I truly am happy to see my friends and family here in the States, each person is very special to me and I've missed everyone like crazy... I'm just having to realize that it may take time for me to figure out how I fit into a life in Va once again.
Right now if you ask me how I feel about the phrase "home sweet home" I would tell you that I'm struggling as each time I hear someone say "welcome home!" parts of me are screaming "HOLD UP, wait a second, I am Not home." Home to me is where my heart is and in this moment my heart is still back in the Dominican Republic praising God with my brothers and sisters and singing in Spanish at the church.
Some of you may remember that it was difficult for me to leave the dominican last year as well, because I felt like I had found my home and yet I was having to leave.
This time I am sad and I am missing my life in the DR, but I return to Va with a totally different thought process. I come back a different Tiffany, as I am now more determined to live a life of Hope as I work towards the future I know God has prepared for me. While living in the DR I caught several glimpses of the live God is preparing for me there and although I'm very anxious to live that life, I'm trying to accept this waiting period as God prepares me in my own country before sending me to another. Those who truly know me will tell you, "Tiff is not a patient waiter"... I never have been, but at this moment, I'm truly trying.
I come back this trip with hope in my heart for the future as I am confident that God is using this time to help me mature and to prepare me for a great work serving others. Every day here is a chance to Thank God for his many blessings, this week has been spent thanking God for cooler temperatures and the hot water and many blankets it's taken to warm me up, not to mention my home, my car and all the many people I've missed the past few months.
I do miss the dominican way, more importantly I miss the people and I hope one day all those who I love in the Dominican will be able to meet my awesome friends here in the States.
As I find myself in tough situations I no longer am stressed and worried as I was a year ago wondering, where will I live, how will I eat, where will I work, ... those questions still linger but my Hope and Faith is in Christ, and I know I'll be taken care of.
Whatever each of you are facing in this moment, I want to encourage you, because this world is not our home! As that old hymn says "we're just passin' through"... we have the hope of Heaven so nothing we face here on earth should be allowed to drag us down. We are SO blessed in this country... and in Va I am So very thankful that Hurricanes do not threaten our every move. ...
As I'm keeping each of you in my prayers today I am also thinking of my friends in the DR and praying for them as well...
these people mean so much to me and I hope that I can share these relationships with those of you who are willing to listen...
Please keep in your prayers:
Victor and his family, Yamile and her family, Mariel, Omar, Euri, Carlos, Ricardo, Francisco, Jeffrey, Melkis, Kenny, Rhode, Pascual, dear Margarita, Paula, Nairobi, and so many others...
God is good and I praise Him for what He's taught me and is continuing to teach me.
Many blessings for each of you and thanks for reading!
No comments:
Post a Comment